the light is driving
me insane. it’s too warm. too beautiful. too heavy, like honey. everything
in slow motion. like amber. my heart stops beating. it starts again, on another
frequency.
it absorbs sound, this golden haze you’ve made. separating us, our voices
muffled, i can hardly hear your voice. i can’t make out your words. i
don’t know what you’re telling me. this quiet desperation. you’re
so far away. i move closer to hear your words, but you’ve disappeared
again. you got up and left again. in the fog of morning light you left again.
left me to fend for myself again. i hear you far away. i can’t stay in
your bed forever. i can’t stay in your bed a second longer. you’re
driving me insane. this golden fog that you’ve created. it’s driving
me insane. but i don’t know where to go. except hastily awkwardly away.
i stumble down the stairs to find your fog again.
i can’t seem to stay away. this fog that you’ve created, it’s
driving me insane. this quiet desperation that you’ve made me, it’s
driving me insane.
‘take care of her’ you said. you saw my desperation. another kind
of desperation. we were far away then. the fog was gone, but something else
remained. crisp and clear, my hand was shaking. i looked down to see my whole
body quivering. i could hardly stand. things were moving all around us. the
red and white streaks of speeding cars around us. i was ready to collapse. my
heart was beating faster then, at high frequency. another kind of desperation.
the light is gone now. but the fog remains. it’s darker now. a bluish
purple fog remains. from so far away it’s come to find me. it’s
driving me insane. i can’t hope to reach you now. this quiet desperation.
i make my plans to get away.
i make my own fog to escape you now. with quiet determination. it’s colors
you would never think of. a shade to drive you away. colors to drive you insane.
but you’ll never see my fog, you’ll never be drawn in. my fog will
never capture you. my fog will never win. i’ll never drive you in. you’ll
never go insane. this quiet desperation you’ve created. this fog i can’t
drive away. it’s still driving me insane.
you’ve driven me away. you’ve driven me insane. i don’t know
where to go, except hazily, stumblingly away. and i know i’ll never win.
this fog that you’ve created. this quiet realization. it’s driving
me insane.